Smell of California

Home sweet home. It is not really what I was planning for... actually not at all. I am always shocked to come home, but this time its for other reasons. Normally I was shocked to see how big this place is and how much dirt and nastiness there is compared to the brillant little bubble I have been living in while in Rexburg... however, this time I was shocked to see my family. My dad has had cancer now for 2 years and I am seeing the toll it is has taken on everything. When I left my dad in April he has black hair, lots of it, thick mayer-token eyebrows, a sense of humor, personality... now he is left with nothing. His hair, minimal, is eyebrows...near gone, his personality, none to report, his humor... couldn't even tell if he remembers what that is. It is so hard to deal with and leaves me wondering what is next to come, it can only turn worse or some major improvements are on there way. My mom, stressed and overwhelmed with the business and the house, my sister, dismal and not as up beat as I remembered. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY?! It is so hard to understand how all of this has turned out within the pass couple of months. I struggle to comprehend life and the struggles and the trials we are suppose to overcome because I think, "How is this possible to overcome?" I hope this summer break will reseal my bonds to my family and there can be some happy memories made, although at this point, it isn't looking too positive. The only thing I have to look forward to, to brighten this day is teaching my boyfriend how to use skype so we can chat... boy I miss him already.